Everyone is unfaithful these days

I bought this at the supermarket just now cos I wanted to wear my new apron (in the kitchen.. not supermarket, ok?)

If you cock-eye, then u click and enlarge lah.

Can you tell me apa jenis binatang ini? (The round round purplish in colour one, not the pisau or garlic)
a. onions
b. shallots holmes
c. Allum Chepa (scientific name)

I also think its (c).

But ma pundek! When I sliced it.. it's white in colour! It smells and tastes like GARLIC!

Oh my lard! The mother of this packet of onions had an affair with garlics. How distasteful! See..now the anak anak is so k-ying! Outside onion, inside garlic.


See now? How am I gonna cook my Ikan Belacan Goreng Di Atas Kicap Bawang Merah?

*throw apron*

NGO NG JU LAHH!

KIK SEI NGO!!!

*rring rring* Alor? Pija Hut?

The hamkalingalings

Greetings aliens & abnormal weirdos, and to you too, walls and ceilings (mana tau nobody reads anymore).

I have gone missing for almost 9 cat years. It has been predicted that:

a. I have retired from the HK entertainment scene (supposedly indefinitely) to search for my soul after dot dot the gutter dot dot dot sungguh tak censored dot com episode, and dedicated myself to more party charity

b. I went merry go round around the world to look for cure for my condition. Chiu, my feet problem, ok? Not my brain..

c. I got a 9-5pm job as an operator. Not for 911..not for taxi also. Operator's kata dasar is what? Operate kan? Ah.. you see me loiter around hospitals waiting for lobotomy cases.

So which one? None of the above lor.

I am still the siman tai fong, yan ki yai oi, che kin che choy HKK lor. One year is not a long period for any significant changes. Fatt har ngau tau & fatt har far tin & fatt har hiao, another year gone. Haih.. cham.. I am EIGHTEEN already (again) !!!!!!!

Ngam ngam cham cham, the story hasn't start engine yet. Yalar.. today got al-kisah tentang khinzir hutan.

Neh, got one time got one feller become loe-chan, getting married konon-lah. Then, got some couples dem free, like to assign seats to guests, like this:

Hiongkongkiok - table 3A, seat number 10.

Like cinema hoh?

But that day that one dun have. Kekekekkeke. Just got table number, like this:

Hiongkongkiok - table 23A

Like lift hoh?

So upon reaching table 24, but auspiciously known as 23A, i was shocked to see this on the table:



No-lah. I was shocked not because the late Michael was invited. I simply use his name, chui meh? Side note - my handwriting dem nice hoh?

It's the piece of torn paper, scribbled with a hamkalingaling name that made me shocka lingam. (Sorry, Michael. Your name came to my mind when I was re-enacting the scene). "Michael" and a few more of his friends were chupping seats ah! Ma-fullat! For a wedding reception ah!

Sai ng sai ah????? And of course, the seats they chose face the stage, not obstructed by pillars. *rubbing temples* Yannadey..who is gonna appear on stage lah? Michael ah? (Sorry again, MJ)

But hoh, just when you thought they so got the heart (yau sum) for the happy couple ah.. want to watch every moment of the monkey show celebration, wiping buayah tears and making 'awwwwww....' sound every boring minute, guess what happened when the groom was giving the speech?

Jeng jeng jeng.....

Imagine this:

When the groom said, " I would like to thank.... (YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMM SENGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!) all the guests..

As you can see, the speech was drowned out by shouts of YUUMMMM SENGGG from these hamkalingalings. Yup, the bride and groom on stage, and these hamkalingalings yum seng amongst themselves. Not once..not twice... It went on for the entire speech!

So RUDY the RUDE!

So for those of you, born in the year of the boar, who wish to get married in the coming auspicious year of the laiger (I simply say one), think 3, think 4 about your guest list, ok. Kasi QC sikit. Hamkalingalings all no nid to invite.

Ya..that means you will only need 2 tables lor. What? 2 also dem a lot already ok? By right, inlaws shouldn't even be invited.

Gong hei gong hei..

Say welcome back, Hkk, lah!

Hamyue Fansang

Before I joined this dying blog, I asked alot of people if they have confidence in seeing this blog being alive again. Almost all confirmed that there is no way to 'relive' salted fish. It's something impossible..

But, today I will prove everyone wrong. I will show you all that indeed it is possible to 'relive' a salted fish, aka hamyue fansang!

Step 1

You need a salted fish. If can get 'mui hiong' will be better.

Step 2

The most basic essential ingredients. Water Powder and Air Powder. You can easily get this at all leading pharmacies or chinese medical hall.

Step 3

Sprinkle a generous amount of Water Powder and Air Powder on the salted fish. The theory here is fish needs water and oxygen to live. So, the more the better.

Step 4

Normally we cook fish we need an oven. But to 'uncook' the fish, we need this special machine called Fish Generator. The concept here is to push back the water and air elements into the fish body. Besides that, it will mix the molecules of the air and water with the cells of the fish to have the scientific equation of e=fd(3px55%)>rdx, which form the basic survivor needs of a fish.

Step 5

After the Fish Generator finish the job, place the fish directly into an empty aquarium. Remember to fill the aquarium with sea or river water only. The main point here is, fish will best survive in nature. Pipe water infested with chlorine will reverse back the fish into a salted fish.

Step 6

Wait 15 minutes

Step 7

Tadaaa....! See the salted fish is swimming again!

So, you think this blog can see the light at the end of the tunnel or not.

Shit, that light might be a coming train..

A Star is Born. Again.

Greetings weirdos!

After forcing the readers to look at the mata sepet of Taj My Baldi for almost a year, finally, a new blood is being injected to this blog.

This new member went through a series of ISO certified tests and managed to pass all with exceptionally outstanding result.

And we are proud to announce this new member adding to our prestigious group...

KALATDAI!


Yes, that's me and I welcome myself here.

Hiongkongkiok and Chowdaifu? Dunno go lepak where oredi.

Ok, let's partay...!

Taj my Baldi..

Got Meriah Curry fansi not? Must listen la wei.. listen until the end wokeh!If you think he 'yat luen jui.." dunno wat the fcuk he sing.. I translate for you la! Chorus onli wokeh.. u think I so free meh?

Chorus
Taj my baldi (touch my body)
Put me on the plor (put me on the floor)
Resser me alaun (wrestle me around), play with me summore
Taj my baldi (touch my body)
Throw me on the beh (throw me on the bed)
I just make u feel like u never did

Taj my baldi
Let me rap my ties (let me wrap my thighs)
All waron your waist, just a little teh (taste)
Taj my baldi, know you like my cock (know you like my curves)
Cmon give me what i deserve

Anjua.. can vomit not? My fav. part is ..

...if you go and brag the mother fucker seklet rondevoo, I will hun chew daun.......

Can challenge William Hung hoh? Niamah........... potong stim nia. If you close eyes and listen hoh.. like YINDIAN leh.. huak huak huak.......And how come, he sing 'throw me on the plor', it reminds me of rotin canai geh?

My ah bu is vulgar!

By: Hiongkongkiok

Do you know my ah bu? Read here for introduction.

Born in year 1948, she is .. errr.. Sinkar, help me out here quick! Calculator! Dit dit.. ah.. 60 ngam ngam this year. You ask her how old are you? She would tell you, "Ngo suuk ngau geh.." (I born in the year of the ox). Yeap.. she still in the era using abascus one.

All her gwenchewlen speak English primarily before going to sekolah kebangsaan. So she also learn how to 'phet' in the past 7, 8 years or so la. Prior to that, I think she knows A B C D. Now thanks to CEO, she can sing until Z.

Anyways, I was on the phone with her just now, relating an incident in which someone shouted profanities. She asked, "What is the word exactly?"

Errr.....how la dey? Takkan I tell her? So all I could managed was a freakin loud, "HA?"

"Kahn lu ah?" she test.

I 'HA?" again.

"Tiew lei?" she stubbornly tried again (born in year of OX maa!)

"No la.." I was getting dizzy.

"Fuck you?" she finally guessed it right.

Can? My ahbu who just learned her alphabet from her grandson, knows FUCK YOU? So universal ka these two words?

I a bit shocked lor. I asked her while hyper-ventilating, "How you know FUCK YOU?" She some more so action say, "Why I don't know.....?" Can?

Anyways, I shouldnt be too surprised la. After all, from her 8 session at the kopitiam, she knew about Cecilia and Edison's scandal. Mak aku suruh bukak internet kasi dia tengok. Pengsan beb! Auntie uncle lepak at kopitiam not discuss politics one meh?

I heart my ahbu! She rawkssssssssssssss!

It's not about me

By: Hiongkongkiok

Once a pond a time, there was a kid.. who was very very naughty. Naughty until the marder say, "Give birth to one char siew also better!"

No, it's not me.

Now this scrawny kid (you believe it's not me now??) is sibeh jusiau. In canto they say, JING SUI JAI. In mandarin is WANG PAR TAHN. In Malay is ANAK BANGSAT! I simply say one la.. you think I linguist meh?

So this fler.. one time came to my house. He was about 8 la, judging from the size of his konek. Bwahahahahah. He wanted to pee. So normal people will go toilet, hai moe? Liucas, the femes dog also know how to go shee shee at the owner's bed. So, it's all about training and using the same trusted venue again and again, hai moe? So guess where this 'fan cheong' want to wee?

Longkang? Nope! This one quite normal la. When you were 8, you also frequently 'feh liew' here la. Admit it la, sui kwai..

At the coridoor? No wor. He say no kick.

In the pail? *ekk* Wrong button sound.

So where?

*

*

*

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Sei moe? Inside the tank is my ahpa's Sg. Amazon arowana leh.... He die die also dun wan to go jiamban. For all I care, he can tahan until his bladder paujar or his konek turn blue (possible not since our face turn blue when we hold our breath? His penis holding his urine maa. Same?). But hoh, the parents soooo kancheong lor, and looked at me with puppy eyes, pleading that we can make an exception.

HOI! CHIMAKAN AH? Lei loe mei.. where got ppl pee into tanks one? Unless it is filled with pirahnas la. Then I gladly let your son do it.

Do you think the boy pees in the tank in his home? Not surprising la. Then they use the jiamban as tank lor. Hkk pannai or not? *Make mental note to remmeber to FLUSH 9 all the fishes if I ever use their 'tank' to wee*

And also hoh, where he would want to 'or see' ah? Must be on the stove la.. Hiak hiak hiak..

Eat leh? Where else... Back to JIAMBAN again! Must put the cover down laa....